1. Back to Basics on Discipline

When it comes time to good behavior, parents are always searching for the latest thing-a magical approach that will transform their child.  Yet it’s often the simple strategies that can stop problems before they start.  Here are a five tried and true tactics that will work for you.

1.  Point Out the Positive

When your child misbehaves you’re right on it.  But how often do you bother to praise him when he’s acting like an angel or even when he goes the extra mile?  Positive feedback is the most powerful discipline tool parents have.  Too often kids misbehave get attention.  Positive feedback gives them the recognition they want, plus your approval.

2.  Be a Good Teacher

You may say “Behave” or “Be Nice” and assume your child understands what that means.  Instead, you need to teach or demonstrate to her specifically the behavior that you expect.  Your child will accept loving guidance more readily than anger.  When kids knows what is expected of them, they feel more comfortable and in control. As an adult you already know so much, it is easy to forget that your child still needs to learn the basics.

3.  Stop Lecturing and Listen

Most of what you say to your child involves scheduling, getting things done, or lecturing.  What gets squeezed out is “connected talking”.  This type of talk is what helps you understand your child’s feelings and attitudes.  Pay attention to how often you’re interrupting your child instead of letting him finish his sentence-you’ll realize that kids are less defiant when they feel as if they’re in the spotlight.

4.  Play Everyday

Kids are in a better mood and less likely to wreak havoc when they’re having a good time.  While your role is to be the parent, not the friend, successful discipline is built on a happy relationship.  Kids will pay more attention to the behavior lessons you are teaching them if they feel you’re not constantly lecturing and preaching.  Play can give a fresh perspective.

5.  Have Faith in Your Child

Academics, athletics, music lessons, after-school activities-there are so many opportunities you want to provide for your child.  But he can become anxious if he feels that you’re always worrying about who he’ll become rather than concentrating on who he is right now.  Kids are going to make mistakes.  Do not over react, that’s how they learn.  If you have unrealistic expectations for your child and over pressure him he may become resentful and simply give up trying to please you.  Try to enjoy the wonderful little person you’re living with right now.

Parents Magazine June 2004

2. Hadith Corner

Prophet Muhammad(S) said ‘Avoid Anger’(Al-Qarshi). When we are angry, we lose control over our judgment and language.  When angry we often say and do things which we may later regret.